I was working on an article on the US presidential elections for another website earlier today and made an offhand remark that if the Democrats nominated a bag of Avocados for the presidency that California would faithfully line up and vote for it. And then it hit me – a bag of Avocados would actually be a better nominee than either American party’s candidates. Here’s 10 reasons you should join me in writing in a bag of avocados on your presidential ballot this fall. Continue reading
Tag Archives: humor
The do’s and don’ts of online dating, from a newlywed.Posted in Life | Tagged humor, Life
Almost 2 years ago now I wrote a humorous (well, I thought it was funny…) blog post on taking a data-driven approach to dating. In that post I promised to write a follow-up if I had success. Since I got married in July, I guess it’s about time I keep that promise! So here’s a few things I learned along the way (big thanks to the okcupid data blog and the okc forums on reddit) that might prove useful to others.
For the sake of transparency, these are written for someone who’s looking for a life partner, if you’re just out there to get laid you can disregard most of them. Continue reading
Are you driving like a Jerk?Posted in Life | Tagged humor, Life
A quick quiz:
- Do you consistently tailgate people and use your brights to blind and intimidate them to force them out of your way?
- Do you change lanes without signalling and make a habit of cutting people off in traffic?
- Have you ever crushed and mangled a motorcyclist by swerving into him or her or turning left across their lane without warning? Are you likely to do so in the future?
- Do you consistently drive slower then the flow of traffic and insist on doing so in the fast lane?
- Do you pace yourself to match the speed of the car to your right so the two of you form an impenetrable wall that no one can get past?
- Do you open your car door while parked on the side of the street without checking for oncoming bicyclists or motorcyclists who could be killed or seriously injured by having a door open right in front of them with no time to stop?
- Do you pull out into the intersection just as the light is turning red so that you end up sitting there blocking traffic in the other direction when it’s their turn to go? Are you utterly incapable of understanding that your myopic selfishness is what creates traffic jams and turns downtown into a parking lot every day?
- Do your fellow drivers constantly flip you off, shout obscenities at you, and swear vengeance upon you and all your progeny for seven generations?
If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions you’re driving like a Jerk! Do the world a favor and buy a bus pass, you clearly don’t belong behind the wheel of a car.
This has been a Public Service Announcement from the Coalition of People who Hate You (CPHY).
Think of something else that should be included in the quiz? Post it in the comments!
*Update: It looks like I’m not the only one who feels this way. Too bad their decals are too big to fit on my motorcycle…